Monday, March 16, 2015

A Day in the Life - 3.16.15

I've been meaning to do a "day in the life" post for forever.  I always do good at the beginning of the day but then I just forget.  And I'm always waiting for a "normal" day.  Well I don't know why I would ever expect a normal day to happen.  Even though I didn't take any more pictures of our day past 3pm, I still want to remember today.
I took today off, as I had no one to watch Helena.  We slept in, and it felt great!  At 8am I finally got up and took a shower, but the time I was out Helena was ready to start her day.
 I have my moments when I miss nursing Helena.  I usually try and make her feeding time calming.  I let this time be time where I can focus on her.  I usually just stare at her and just memorize her face and features.  She usually pulls on my hair, picks my nose, puts her fingers in my mouth, or stabs my eyes.  It's a good time, and I enjoy it. 
After her bottle I make her some cereal with mashed blueberries.   I don't know what it is but within the past 24-48 hours or so she doesn't want to be fed.  She wants to feed herself.  So majority of the cereal went to waste.  Sad face.
 At 9:50am we left to go check out another daycare. 
 We've arrived.
 After the daycare we went to Grease Monkey to get the oil changed in the car.  Helena crawled around and got horribly dirty.  After waiting for awhile I decided to take a little walk outside.  Once we left Helena immediately fell asleep in the car, once we were almost home I got a call from Grease Monkey to bring the car back as they forgot to "flush it out" whatever that means.  Turned around and went back.
Once we got home Helena woke up.  I fed her another bottle in hopes that would put her back to sleep.  No dice, I'm not surprised.  Heard from Andrea and was asked to go to Chiptole for lunch.  SOLD!
Met Andrea and Grayson for lunch.  Helena had some pinto beans, black beans, and blueberries.
After lunch we headed to the Broomfield Rec Center.  I'm so glad I was introduced to this place by my friend Aundra!  Grayson and Helena had the whole place to themselves the majority of the time!  They had a blast!  Helena went down a slide and tried super hard to climb up the big tube slide!  I'm learning my little daughter is fearless!



After crawling around and playing for an hour we called it a day.  She fell asleep immediately in the car, and woke back up once we got home.  I knew she was exhausted so I tried to rock her when we got home.  No such luck.  She got another bottle and some food.  She was over playing with my shoes when I heard this huge fart then another vibration...a blow out.  Which she hasn't had for sometime, and it really wasn't that bad.  But a change of clothes was necessary.  After that she was getting cranky, so I tried to rock to sleep again.  Again, no such luck.  But it was some good cuddle time.  She sorta just laid on me and whined.  After she calmed down I needed to start dinner.
She thankfully played with herself with her toys in the living room while I prepped dinner.  I was really impressed by this as she usually likes to come over and be in the kitchen with me, or getting in the cat food, or getting in the water for the cats, or playing in corner by the fireplace, or the bookshelf.  But she actually played where I could see her with her own toys.
At around 6:30pm Chris came home, and dinner was just going in the oven.  Chris took Helena to change while I cleaned up the kitchen.  Once dinner was ready we ate, Helena again refused to be fed.  So she fed herself some chicken and green beans.  After dinner we cleaned up and read some of the "Good Night Bible".  Chris started her bath, while Helena came with me to take off my make-up.  Chris gave Helena's bath while I did some work, and now Helena is asleep.
It was a great day.      

Sunday, March 15, 2015

A Storm is Brewing



You know those big blizzards that come?  A few hours before it’s calm and clear, then the clouds move in and its gray and eerie and silent (almost too silent), the anticipation builds of snow and accumulation.  You anxiously await as you wonder how long you'll be buried inside?!  Then it hits.  Even though it was expected it is still a surprise.  Your almost taken aback by how much snow there is and the cabin fever you know will come. 
I feel like this is my life right now. 
Change is coming.  I’m scared and I’m anxious, and I pray all the time that everything will work out.  I, of course, know that it will.  Why?  Because it has to.  There is no other choice.  How it works out may not be how I want, but I know it will, indeed workout.  I know me and my family will be taken care of.
There are two different elements to this storm, when is a storm ever just one dimension?  One being with Helena and her daycare, the other with me and my job. 
I’m currently looking for a new daycare for Helena.  I struggle with this because when you give your child to someone else to look after, you have to trust them.  You have to have faith that they are caring for your child as they would their own.  I put a lot of weight on what a provider tells me, because that’s all I have to go off of.  She’s the one who is there when I am not there.  So I believe what I’m told and believe that she is being cared for. 
I would prefer an in-home situation like what she has now, but I think an actual daycare is the route to go.  Because it’s more dependable and just easier.  Or maybe that’s my assumption.  One thing I do know, it’s a lot more expensive.  I feel like I’m pay for my spot, not for my daughter to be taken care of.  I hate that.  Hate it.  Thankfully I have two weeks to figure it out, as I already have something set up for this week, and the following week my mother-in-law will be in town.  But I know those 2 weeks are going to go by wicked fast. 
The next element is my job.  I need direction.  I’m working hard at my Younique business (and it's growing!!!), but I’m also looking at growing in my corporate job.  There are so many balls in the air, and it is distracting.  I’m the type of person who needs something to focus on.  I need to know where to put my focus.  And right now there are so many directions I don’t know where to turn, let alone focus. 
Back in September 2013 I applied for a different job within CTL (CenturyLink).  Shortly after I applied I found out I was pregnant.  I went through the interview process, was hopeful I would get the job, and then I didn’t.  I was totally fine with it, as now I had something else to focus on….my growing baby.  Throughout my pregnancy and through the end of 2014 I didn’t focus on my career.  My priorities were elsewhere.  My priority was Helena and taking care of her.  She’s still a huge priority in my life and always will be, but now I have the energy to focus on something else.  The organization I work for has been going through a huge re-org since January.  Usually changes like this mean lay-offs, but not in this particular situation.  This change is requiring a lot of hiring and growing.  This change has presented me with two different opportunities.  Nothing is set, and I’m highly aware that just because these two opportunities are currently on my plate that neither one will work out.  I know that one outcome could bring back to exactly where I am.  But I can’t help but feel that a change is coming in my work life, too.  This one requires patience.  Which I am not good at.  The corporate world takes it sweet time with things like this.  At this point I would surprised if I know anything by the time Helena’s first birthday roles around in May. 
I find myself more and more in anticipation of the future, because I know the future will be here super quick.  But I need to take time for the now, because that’s what is happening.  Not much of a guarantee in life, except for that.  The now. 
Last week at church Pastor Ken talked about change.  As we are in this Lenten season with Easter approaching and even the change of seasons.  From winter to spring.  How you have to find beauty in the mess.  And it's the time when life gets hard is when you are truly living.  I definitely think parts of my life right now are a mess, and hearing the positive spin that this "mess" is beautiful made me reflect that the problems I have aren't bad problems to have.  Things could be much worse and I'm so blessed that they aren't. 

10 months




Where has the time gone!?
It's amazing how everyone says they grow up SO fast.  And you know to believe and it expect it, but living it is so different.  Because it is so true.  I find myself asking how to enjoy each moment, each time, each month. How to document and remember it all, because before I know it it'll be over.  I'm trying not to anticipate the next mile-stone because I want to remember today.

As I ramble, Helena is 10 months old!  We of course did stuff over the last month, and I of course have been meaning to blog but time as just gotten away. 
We are continuing with another month's of swimming lessons.  She's definitely eating more.  Although it seems that milk is what fills her.  She really enjoys fish and chicken. 
She hates the blow dryer.  She instantly freaks out.
She loves the corners of the house she is not suppose to get into.  Particularly the corner by the fireplace and the corner between the desk and bookshelf. 
She love to chase the cats.  Denali knows to move, Otis however has gotten his tail grabbed a couple of times.
She's ticklish.  Most recently on the bottom of her feet, but tickle her stomach and you are guaranteed a laugh and giggle. 
She's in size 3 diapers, still sleeps all night and is such a joy!

Friday, February 13, 2015

Nine Months




Helena turned 9 months on Tuesday!  We have a beautiful, healthy, growing baby girl!

Weight: 16 lbs, 12oz (24%)
Height: 27.5 in (42%)
Head circumference: 43.6 cm (41%)

We've had a super eventful month.  She can easily crawl herself up to standing up against anything, and can do "squats" up and down, along with cruising along the furniture.  She "dances" to music by swaying back and forth or moving her head.  She claps!  She waves, and tries to mimic what we say.  She's good at dada and mama.  And "ba"...we think she could be saying "bye" "ball" or "bath".  She LOVES her bath.  Once she hears the water running she crawls like mad to the bathroom.  She's broken in a second bottom tooth, so she is no longer the one tooth wonder. 
Her separation anxiety is no longer an issue at her daycare!  Thank God!  She's comfortable there, and I can drop her off without getting upset!  Unfortunately I can't say the same for the daycare at the gym. 
She's eating more!  And her cost is definitely going up.  Now that I'm no longer breastfeeding, holy moly that formula is expensive!  Along with the baby food!  She can feed herself finger foods, and tries to put everything in her mouth at once.  She's super talkative when she eats.  Who knows what she is saying but she is loud!  She's still a great sleeper, in 9month clothing, and still size 2 diapers.  However once these size 2 diapers are done, we'll go to size 3.  I've started stock piling diapers, we had a good stash of both diapers and wipes, but for the first time since she's been born I had to buy wipes!
She laughs.  She now laughs spontaneously, where previously she only laughed if something was super funny.  She knows "no" but doesn't listen.  So we are re-directing her a lot.
We can still pretty much take her anywhere.  She sits and lets others entertain her when we are out.  She loves observing everything that's around her.
I can't wait to see what month 10 will bring!  

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

Swimming







Helena had her first swimming lesson on Friday!  I've been looking forward to this for sometime now, and I'm super excited to have her get used to the water.
I myself grew up doing swim lessons each summer, I love the water, and I don't have any fear of the water.  And I want the same for Helena.  She loves her nightly bath, and I was hoping the pool would be no different.
She definitely had a freak out moment when she first got in the water, and was pretty stiff the whole time according to Chris, but I think after a few more times she'll get used to it and grow to really love it.
We have four lessons total, and I'll be going in with her on Saturday!  I'm really looking forward to it!
Here's to my future swim baby!

Wednesday, January 28, 2015

Motherhood Part II

Motherhood right now: taking mom/daughter selfies!
I’ve had this post on my mind for awhile now.  And I’ve been thinking of writing a follow up to this post on Motherhood, to document the changes and feelings since I've become a mother. 
I think the first feeling is of pure unconditional love and how it grows.  I remember when I very first saw Helena when I was still on the operating table.  I couldn’t yet hold her because my arms couldn’t move.  My first few thoughts were how in that single moment you forget everything.  I forgot how horrible it was being pregnant those last few huge weeks.  I forgot the frustrations of testing my blood sugars and later taking insulin.  I forgot all of my worries of baby being ok.  There she was.  She was ok.  Then my mind sifted to her being inside of me.  This is a miracle I don’t think I’ll ever be able to truly comprehend.  That my baby was inside of me.  That she grew from me.  From two tiny itty bitty little cells, to this.  This little human.  This little girl.  I still look at pictures right after she was born and I question: “How did she fit inside of me?!” 
Next is the love. 
Surprisingly this was not a wow bam hit me moment, like I expected it to be.  It was more of a aura of feelings.  But nothing overly overwhelming.  Does that make sense?  Sometimes I wonder if this means I’m a bad mom, or others have a similar experience but don’t talk about it?  Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter and I loved her before she was born, and my love grew for her once I had her.  But the moment I saw her I expected this super intense feeling of crazy drastic in love emotion.  And it just wasn’t there.  I have bigger in love moments now than I did when she was born.  Is that normal?  Can someone please tell me I’m not crazy?! 
Which brings me to the present time.  I love being Helena’s mom.  There is nothing like it.  Giving 100% of myself to her every day is easy.  That’s one of the reason’s I hate being apart from her some days.  I love her unconditionally.  I would easily and gladly put myself in front of a moving train if she were in the way.  The type of give you give during those super short newborn months is part of that love.  You are giving and giving and what she is giving back is knowing that she is a healthy and growing baby.  That is priceless.  She can now show her love for me in other ways, like when she mimics me and says “Ma Ma Ma” or if she is just sitting on the floor playing, and we look at each other across the room and she gives me this ginormous smile.  Those things tell me that she loves me and that I’m doing something right.  I think it is difficult to give love without expecting something in return.  But not when you become a mom.  I of course, have expectations of Helena and no doubt that throughout our mother/daughter relationship we will disappoint each other.  But the feeling of unconditional love is so well, unconditional.  And up until I had her hadn’t ever experienced. 
I see being her mother as doing things.  Always staying busy.  We’re similar that way.  We both get stir crazy if we stay in the house for too long.  I see going swimming with her, doing art projects together, writing in a mother/daughter journal together. 
I see her now and think back to this post about what makes you, you?!  I wonder if I’ll have anything to do with who she is as a person.  Or if it’s all pre-calculated and decided.  I like to think we’ll have some influence on her.  I hope that she is silly and laid back like her dad, and a planner and observant like me. 
With reading my Motherhood post, I re-read the comments.  And they made me laugh and cry.  First was Rachel’s comment.  Now that Helena is crawling I now have an audience when I pee.  I don’t see that changing for many years to come!
In my post I also wrote out concerns that I had about how this new parenthood role would affect my marriage.  I loved Emily’s comment that basically says to take the time to truly focus on the new motherhood role because that baby phase is so short lived.  Let it be life consuming.  Looking back, I wish I would have done more of this.  Because it does go.by.so.fast.  We thankfully have found an amazing babysitter and do go out on dates!  And this is something I’m extremely proud of.  Although Chris is an amazing dad, I haven’t lost him as my husband.  And I hope he feels he hasn’t lost me as his wife.  I was talking to someone recently who has 2 kids and she said she couldn’t remember the last time she had a date night with her husband.  My goal is to not have this be me, ever.  I know there will be a time where a monthly date night won’t happen, but I don’t ever want to not remember when my last date night was.  Although Helena is a top priority I love that Chris and I still take time for us. 
Being a mom is like everything I expected and so much more.  From making her giggle to getting frustrated at her when she won’t hold still for me to put on her diaper.  To everything moment in-between.  My motherhood role is one I don’t take for granted and I feel incredibly blessed that God as trusted me to take care of one of His children.  I know my motherhood role will expand and grow as Helena gets older and I’m looking forward to all the milestones.  I don’t know why it is so hard, but right now my biggest focus is staying present on the present! (thanks Andrea.) 

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

My Birthday

I’m officially in my mid-30’s.  Right in the middle.  Not necessarily a milestone, but a reminder that I’ll be 40 before I know it, because the past 5 years have flown by. 
I had a great birthday.  Helena was up off and on from about midnight to 3am the morning of my actual birthday.  With such a rough night for both of us I decided to stay home for the day.  I did some work and enjoying playing with my daughter.  I had some wonderful phone conversations with friends, then had a impromptu coffee date with my friend Erin.  We have daughters that are about 2 weeks apart!  I got my free coffee from Caribou, and we enjoyed just chit-chatting.  Some one on one time is such a treasure!
Helena and Lilly

Right after coffee I got Chris and we went out to dinner.  I knew he had a birthday date planned for the coming up Saturday but if there is one thing I love, it’s going out to eat.  When we were planning our menu and grocery list for the week I told him I didn’t want to cook on my birthday.  So out we went.  We went to Ted’s Montana Grill. I had the trout, as did Helena…she loved it!  I only ate half, and left the rest in a to-go container on the table! I seriously hate it when I do that!  Anyways, we came home gave Helena a bath and put to bed, and I opened my birthday gifts and cards. 
I’m truly spoiled!  I got lots of great stuff and ended the night with some cuddle time with my man. 
Helping Mom open presents

Birthday flowers from my Mom! 

On Tuesday I got some flowers delivered to my work from my mom that smelled glorious.  Throughout the week I got some more cards in the mail. 
Then Saturday Chris and I went out.  He had our babysitter come watch Helena, and we went out to what is probably our newest favorite place called Guard and Grace.  This is the second time we’ve been here in the past 6 months, and everything is just great.  Good food, spot on service, nice atmosphere, strong drinks.  They even made me a birthday card!  After dinner we went to a show called “Forbidden Broadway”.  A four person show that does various parodies of different mainstream musicals.  It was pretty funny.
Yummy dessert!
What I valued most was my time with Chris.  We’ve been successful in having a date night each month since Helena’s been born. But our December date night was at the beginning of the month, with the hustle and bustle of the holidays and new year, it felt like it had been forever since we had been out.  It was great having him all to myself with no distractions,  or other priorities filling our minds of things to do around the house, a budget to make, cleaning, laundry, etc…
The celebration went on to yesterday when I got a package from my cousin Kari.  She made a beautiful pink blanket for Helena that I love!  It’s her first real girl thing, since the patterns are pink! 
Birthday are super special to me, and I feel this one is for the books!  It is such a special feeling to feel such love and to share my day with my family and those I’m close to. 
Here’s to a great 35th year!