Monday, November 30, 2015

Helena at 18 months

she got herself into the bathtub!
I'm super behind and feel like I will never catch up on life over the past 60 days, and I have so much I should be doing right now, but I feel like I must document what is going on in my beautiful daughters world right now, before the time passes and I can't remember.

As always Helena is such a joy.  I feel bad when I have my moments of not being patient or cursing or just getting frustrated when she doesn't listen, because she truly is an amazing little toddler.  There I said it, my baby is a toddler. 

She had her 18 month check up:
She's a tall 32 inches and a light 23 pounds! 
Still in size 3 diapers, and I feel like her size 18 month clothing is going to be the shortest duration out of all of her clothes.  I did put her in a 2T outfit over the weekend, and it was pretty big on her, so we'll see.  I know she has at least 12 teeth, and we'll be going to the dentist in the new year.

She's saying new words every single day.  Some of the latest: "dark" "lights" "down" "book" "crane" "truck" "duck" "bzzz" for a bee "tickle".  That's all I can think of for now.

Her latest thing is "please" and "thank you".  Right now everything is either "milk" please please please please. "up" (to get up on the bed) please please please please. "up" (to get out of her booster seat) please please please.  Basically if she wants something it's please on repeat until she gets it. 

She'll say please automatically without me prompting, or if she doesn't say please, I'll just give her a look, and she knows to say it, or I'll ask her "what do you say?". 

Thank you on the other hand is totally different.  She'll only say thank you when I tell her "say thank you".  Specifically after I get her her milk or after I lift her up onto the bed, I'll say: "say thank you" and she'll say thank you.  I'll also prompt her to say thank you after I say "bless you" after she sneezes, and after she's done with her bath, I'll say "say Thank you Daddy" (Chris is the one to give her a bath).  And she'll say thank you.  However she won't say thank you when someone compliments her.  Which is rather annoying, since people are constantly complimenting her.  Someone will say how cute she is and I'll say to Helena "say Thank you" and she doesn't say anything.  It's frustrating because I know she can say it, but for whatever reason she won't.  So we're working on that. 

She's obsessed with everything owl.  She has a little owl blanket toy that goes with her everywhere (it was sheer panic when I thought I lost it the day we moved, thankfully it was found after unpacking!).  And "owl" is often on repeat.  So now we have an owl nightlight (after she broke her cow one) and Chris even got an inflatable owl that we light up at night with the Christmas lights on the house.  If we are out and about and sees an owl, she'll point it out immediately.

She loves to give hugs when I'm in the kitchen cooking.  She'll hug my legs super tight. 

She loves to throw things in the trash. 

Everything is up up up.  Even when she wants down.  If I'm holding her or if she is up on the bed she'll say up up up.  I'll correct her and say "no you want down" and she'll say down. 

She still kisses anything and everything.  Her latest thing is to kiss your cheek before kissing your lips.  She'll kiss one cheek then move your head to kiss your other cheek.  And she'll say "cheek".

She knows where majority of her body parts are.  Belly, nose, eye, ear, hair/head, hands, fingers, feet, toe.

She also loves babies.  She sees a picture of a baby, or a baby on TV, or a baby when we are out and about she immediately goes "baby baby".  Even if we see a infant car seat, she'll say baby.  She knows mommy has a baby in my belly and now likes to kiss my belly.  Last week we were at the OB office getting my 3-hour glucose test done which is in the same office as the two pediatricians in the town, so we saw lots of babies. She saw one that was 7 days old, and I could tell that one made her nervous because it was so small.  ...even if she sees a toddler/kid older than her, she'll refer to it as a baby. 

She loves to play peak a boo.  The cutest moment ever was when she was playing peak a boo with a piece of spaghetti.  She would put the noodle up to her eyes, then open her eyes move the noodle and say "boo!".  She gets so excited!

Our biggest challenge is still eating.  Lately she just won't eat at the kitchen table.  I thought maybe it was the highchair, so we put on a booster seat on one of the chairs, but she still won't eat.  She'll take a bite maybe two before saying "up up up".  Once I take her out and put her on the floor and she's walking around, if you offer her food she'll eat it right up.  So that's how she's eating right now.  Either while we are at the kitchen table and she's walking around or after the fact we'll just bring the food out into the living room.  And before you know she's eaten her entire meal.  I know she's hungry but she will not eat at the table.  I have no idea what to do with this.  I'm really hoping that it is a phase and she'll eventually want to sit down and eat with us. 

She went completely unphased by the move.  Which I am thankful for, but sad that she won't remember her first house, especially since I miss that house immensely. 
Life is good with my beautiful daughter.
sitting in her booster

Thursday, November 19, 2015

Oops we did it...again!

I'm feeling very nostalgic today and now that we have our computer up and running and a sleeping baby taking a nap I'm going to write a post about my beautiful friend Andrea. 

Andrea and I met in March 2012.  I was newly engaged and planning my wedding and already feeling so overwhelmed.  I didn't know it at the time but I was yearning for a friend, a friend that would know exactly what I was going through.  Someone who could listen and know what I mean.  I truly believe that at that moment God sent me Andrea.  Andrea too was newly engaged.  I can't remember if she had her wedding date set yet?...which is one big difference between Andrea and I, but once I met her and she told me she was planning her wedding a wave a relief swooped over me.  We met at work, and her cubicle was near mine.  I was ease-dropping when I heard her say she was engaged, I immediately got so excited, my heart start racing, and I wanted to run over give her a huge hug and say: Oh My GOD me too!!!  But I kept my cool, I think I somehow introduced myself and engaged with her and the fact that I too was engaged. 
From there, I guess you could say the rest is history.  We planned our entire weddings together.  I knew her wedding "secrets", she knew mine.  We both stressed over little things and family drama.  She was the exact person I needed in my life, right at that time.  Our friendship was just meant to be.  I can't put it more simply than that. 
We both dealt with what I guess I'll call the "wedding blues".  The low that happens after your get married.  After the big "to do" of the wedding.  Basically we both had these weird issues going on during the first couple months of 2013.  I remember having breakfast with her on my birthday that year, and it was not a super happy time for either of us.  Again, it was so nice to have her there and to know that she could somewhat relate to what I was feeling at that time.  I got to see own relationship with God grow as Chris and I became more and more comfortable in our new church.
I remember going to her over the summer that year, being frustrated about not getting pregnant. 
Then I remember the day after Labor Day 2013, waiting for her to get to work (I always got to work before she did), and once she arrived I immediately IMed her "Hey, do you want to go for a walk."  Once past the first corner around our building I exclaimed "I'm pregnant!"  Her response was something like: "No fu*!ing way, me TOO!"  We took a short walk around the building, and I couldn't believe we were pregnant at the same time!  Feelings of this friendship being meant to be swooped over me once again.  We spent our whole entire pregnancy together.  Our due dates were 2 weeks apart (just like our weddings were two weeks apart).  It was truly magical.  Her due date came and went and I hade Helena at 39 weeks, so Grayson and Helena are just 5 days a part.  I remember going to meet Grayson when I was still pregnant (Grayson was 3 days old, I think?).  Andrea said how motherhood is so amazing, and how your newborn child just knows.  Knows that you are their mother, that you are their for them unconditionally.  It was a beautiful and profound statement that I still carry with me to this day. 
Having our babies together so close in age is something magical.  She truly knows exactly what I'm going through.  If I have a bad day, she can relate.  She can relate in the love and the beautiful moments of seeing your little being grow.  In the same time! 
Then this, then this happened:
At the beginning of August Andrea and Grayson were over for a playdate, I was telling Andrea how I pictured my life going over the next two years in regards to work etc... and I ended it by telling her in my perfect world we would be pregnant together again at the same time.  Andrea reacted like that was crazy and how the chances of that happening were slim to none.  I thought so too, especially since Andrea was hoping to get pregnant sooner rather than later, and I was planning on getting pregnant later.  I knew if anything our next baby's would be somewhat close, I figured maybe within 9 months of each other.  But now...our due dates are a day apart!  So we're going through it all again.  When I knew we were moving and I would think about Andrea and telling her we were moving, I would immediately get teary eyed.  I knew this friendship would be the most difficult to say good-bye to.  Thankfully our good-bye wasn't as emotional as I anticipated with busy toddlers around.  But I miss her and Grayson so much.  I truly appreciate how she just gets it.  And I appreciate that!  She understands when she texts and I don't respond for hours or sometimes days.  And I know that she understands when I don't respond right away. 
I'm sad that these two babies won't grow up and get to know each other like Grayson and Helena.  I'm sad that Grayson and Helena no longer have playdates. 
There are many differences between Andrea and I, in the way we plan, the way we parent etc...But we have these common threads that are irreplaceable.  It's this natural understanding that I love.
I know Andrea and I will stay in touch, but I also know it just isn't the same. 

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Poppy Seed II

we're moved, but haven't gotten the computer set up, which is why
i haven't been blogging.
i know i'm behind.
i'll be trying to catch up.

written Monday 8/17/15
Dear Little Poppy Seed II,

Here we go again, and I’m still in a little bit of shock!  Thus far this pregnancy is completely different than my previous one.  One of the big differences was getting pregnant.  It took Chris and I 8 months to get pregnant with Helena.  This time we were barely trying, I guess I should say we were “not not trying”.  Make sense?  We both knew a second baby would be in the works, and in my “planner” mind my goal was to have a baby sometime in 2016.  And now that sometime is: April 2016!  I don’t know if I’ve ever publicly put it out on my blog, but let me just say that the idea of two under two scares the crap out of me!  And now I’m going to be THAT mom!  Granted it’ll only be few weeks, but still.  My “ideal” timeframe would have been to get pregnant between October and March.  So the gap would have been closer to 2 ½ years.  I planned, and God laughed!!! 
And here we are.  Pregnant.
Unlike last time, I didn’t know.  Last time I knew I was pregnant.  I knew I would take a pregnancy test, and I knew it would be positive.  I had gotten to know my body so well.    This time I had no clue, and I kept going back and forth about the whole thing.  This time I didn’t know my body, in fact I feel like I’m still getting to know my body, post pregnancy from Helena.  July was only my 3rd normal cycle since getting a normal period back after breastfeeding, going off of the pill etc…. So I had no “signs”.
My patience finally gave in on Thursday 8/13 when I took a pregnancy test in the middle of the day.  It was negative. I was expecting my period either Friday or Saturday.  Friday morning I told Chris about my negative pregnancy test and to rant to him about all the thoughts going on in my head.  I was completely confused as to why I hadn’t started my period while at the same time convincing myself I wasn’t pregnant, but then a split second later convincing myself that I was indeed pregnant.  All while trying to decide when I should re-test.  I even convinced myself that I had cramps Friday night, so surely my period was about to start!  As Friday and Saturday passed with no sign of my period I was mentally exhausted!  I woke up early Sunday morning while having the same conversation in my head trying to decide if I should take another test.  I finally decided to take another test because I knew it would calm me down.  I thought for sure it would be negative. 
But it wasn’t too long before that second line showed up.  I seriously thought I was seeing things.  I kept doing a double take.  Look at the test then look at myself in the mirror with a question on my face.  Back and forth back and forth.  I thought: No way can this be real.  Am I really pregnant?!  Obviously the answer is in those two pink lines.  I went out into the living room to grab my phone and take a picture of the beginning of this little life. 
When I saw the negative test on Thursday I could feel a missing piece of my heart.  And I knew I wanted to try for another baby, soon.  Then seeing the positive on Sunday it was almost disbelief that the missing piece was filled so quickly after realizing I had it.  I crawled back into bed a little after 6am, Chris awoke shortly after.  Thinking that this might be our last pregnancy I wanted to do a special “announcement”.  …which of course had been planned in my head for months.  Chris asked if I took another test and I lied and said “no”.  Even going on explaining to him that I really think my period is about to start. 
Once we realized we didn’t have any food for breakfast he left to go get breakfast burritos, and I put my plan in place: A bun in the oven!  Once Chris got home I asked him to check in the oven for something.  He immediately asked if it was a bug?!  I kept prompting him to look and when he did he asked why there was bread in the oven.  I could tell he had no clue what I was trying to tell him.  After a few seconds of him starring at the bun he looked at me, and I could tell he had figured it out.  After hugs and kisses I took him to the positive pregnancy test.  After more hugs and some tears he tells me that he knew I was pregnant after not getting my period.  Ha!  We shared our excitement and extreme shock at how quickly this pregnancy came about. 
Although this pregnancy is sorta a surprise I feel extremely blessed.  I feel super excited to be making our family bigger and to be making Helena a big sister!  Sunday August 16, 2015 was a life changing day.  To go to bed the night before just thinking about me, then the next night my thoughts are about this baby.  Like last time it is extremely hard not to tell people this life changing news. 
My first prenatal appointment is set for September 28th, when I’ll be 10 weeks.  I have the same feelings of last time and repeating in my head nonstop: “Please Dear Lord let this baby be ok” “Please Dear Lord let this baby be healthy”.  All while feeling very “wonder woman” like walking around with thoughts about the fact that I’m currently growing a human!  What’s your secret super power?!
As much as a shock at the ease this pregnancy came I feel so blessed and excited to have another little baby!  I’m honored that I’ve been trusted to be a Mom to this little Baby Sweat #2!
Thank you Baby Sweat #2 for making your home with me.  I promise to love you unconditionally and always look after you.


here's my letter to Helena

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Limbo in Limbo

Moving sucks.
Whether you are moving across the street or in this case 500+ miles, moving just plain sucks.  We've been preparing for this moving for the past 3 weeks.  I've been feeling a little lost as we have no routine and we've just been in limbo as we wait for the next big thing.  But we've been able to keep busy, clean the house, list the house, get out of the house for showings, pack up the house, etc...
Chris did the work to find a moving company.  He found a company and we had requested a move date of either 10/27 or 10/28.  We got a call on 10/27 advising us a truck would be here to load us up between noon and 5pm on 10/28.  On the morning of 10/28 we even got a call asking if we had heard from our driver and again confirming our driver would show up between noon and 5pm.  When we didn't hear anything by 1pm we called and were told there was a delay and that the soonest someone would come pick us up is Friday between noon and 5pm.  After hysterically this point in time we were ALL packed up and ready to go and complaining to numerous people we settled with the fact we weren't going to leave until Friday.  We unpacked our essentials, remade the beds, canceled the orders to cancel the internet and TV and just waited.  Friday morning we again received confirmation a driver would be here to pick us up between noon and 5pm.  By 2pm we actually heard from our driver and he advised he was 2 hours away from Fort Collins, he let us know he needed to unload a house in Fort Collins, and that load would take at least 6 hours to unload.  So by yesterday afternoon we knew we weren't going anywhere.  So again we unpacked and remade the beds.  Last night we got confirmation again from both a manager and the driver that we would be picked up by 10am this morning.  It is now almost 11am and nobody can get a hold of the driver.  We are...again ready to go.
I've never experienced anything like this before, and I never want to again.  Trying to keep Helena entertained while we literally stare at the front door waiting for a truck to pull up is exhausting.  I am exhausted.  I can't live like this much longer.  Chris as already advised his boss he will no be at this first day of work on Monday, and this worries me deeply.  Chris needs to keep this job, and as of right now who knows if he'll be in NM to show up to work on Tuesday.
Our limbo is literally in limbo.  We can't leave our house.  It's horrible.  I've cried so much over the past week and we're at the mercy of this horrific moving company.
I had hoped to be in Alamogordo by now so we could take Helena Trick or Treating in our new neighborhood to try and introduce ourselves and start to process of hopefully making some new friends.  And now, who knows if we'll be able to take Helena Trick or Treating at all.  ...something I was really looking forward to, regardless of location.

Happy Halloween everyone!

We did carve pumpkins last weekend while my parents were in town, it was something I wanted to make sure we did with Helena.  It was a super fun time.

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Pregnancy Weeks 4 - 14

9/27/15: 10w4d - Baby Sweat #2 is waving "HI"

It's been a crazy 11 weeks:  Here's a recap.

Week 4: Poppy Seed
8/16 – 8/22
I’m super tired this week, but feel like I’m using my energy well chasing after my 15 month old.  I have zero appetite and nothing sounds appetizing.  I feel like I can’t drink enough water, as I always feel like I have “dry mouth”.  Which of course only increases the bathroom trips even more! 

Week 5: Sesame Seed
8/23 – 8/29
I found out this week I don’t have a job as of 9/4.  I’m beyond scared.  My daughter and my unborn child officially have two unemployed parents.  In the span of 8 days my life drastically changed, twice. 
I completed a 5K on Thursday and was so sore!

Week 6: Lentil
8/30 – 9/5
I’m so emotionally drained and I have no motivation.  I have no desire to cook and the only time I really feel hungry is in the mornings.  I’m praying constantly: “Please Dear Lord let this baby be ok.”  “Please Dear Lord let this baby be healthy.”  With everything going on it is weird keeping this news to myself.  I’m almost scared to announce I’m pregnant just because of what people might think.

Week 7:  Blueberry
9/6 -9/12
We traveled to Kearney, NE over the Labor Day holiday.  We decided to leave the night before.  Chris and I both agreed a change of scenery would do us some good.  And it did.  Being at my in-laws I get to totally relax.  I know Helena will be taken care of, and I know I'll be taken care of.  I truly just relaxed and stayed in my stage of denial a little bit longer.  I got to take naps!  I'm so not a nap taker, but growing this baby has made me exhausted, so I took an afternoon nap daily!  

Week 8: Kidney Bean
9/13 - 9/19
I'm so tired, and not sleeping very good isn't helping.  I've been super nausea lately a lot more than I ever was with Helena.  I feel like I'm going to puke all day long, but nothing ever actually happens.  

Week 9: Grape
9/20 - 9/26
Super busy this week.  Flew to Albuquerque to drive to Alamogordo for a job interview with Chris.  I don't want to move, but know we have to look at all options.

Week 10: Kumquat 
9/27 - 10/3
Had my first doctor's appointment and ultrasound on Monday 9/28!  Baby measured a little ahead of schedule at 10w4d with a super strong heart rate of 178!  We saw some movements and baby waving "HI" as if to tell me everything is going to be ok, and I cried and cried!  Plus my mom and Helena got to see baby which was super special!  In other big news, we decided this week to move to Alamogordo.  

Week 11: Fig
10/4 - 10/10
In Albuquerque this week.  I'm back to being tired, and super nauseated in the afternoon/evening.  These long bouts of nausea are not fun, but thankfully I have yet to get sick.

Week 12: Lime
10/11 - 10/17
I feel like my weeks are blending into each other.  I'm more focused on Helena and the fact that we are moving than this baby.  I feel guilty as I have moments of "oh, right I am pregnant."  This week we got the house cleaned up and put on the market.

Week 13: Pea Pod
10/18 - 10/24 
The house in under contract, and I'm trying to memorize everything about Colorado, as this is our last full week in the state I've called home for the last 13 and a half years.  We have this beautiful tree in our backyard that is so vibrantly red.  I'm seeing friends and saying good-bye.  I'm heartbroken and continue to pray this baby is happy and healthy.

Week 14: Lemon
10/25 - 10/31
Had my second appointment today (10/27), I was super anxious about hearing babies heartbeat.  But thankfully the heart-rate was in the high 150's and healthy.  We said good-bye to my doctor and the nurses, and I'm already dreading the search for a new OB.

Sunday, October 25, 2015

where to start?

Big pumpkins!

My world

She's growing up!

fun at the park
i'm not too sure where to begin.  i have so much going on in my mind.  if i'm random and all over the place, i apologize in advance. 
our last full week in Denver has officially come to a close, and in my blogging mind i keep going back to a simpler time before i knew we would move.
at the end of september (right after we were in ABQ and Alamogordo {what's the abbreviation for Alamogordo?}) my mom and aunt deanna came up for a visit, for my aunt deanna to celebrate her birthday with her daughter; my cousin that lives in fort collins. 
we had a super fun time at a nursery down in Littleton where there was a big pumpkin contest.  these pumpkins were huge!  everyone had a great time. 
during that weekend we celebrated Chris' birthday, and i feel so bad, but i can't really remember what we did to celebrate.  this is the mush going on in my head.  i know majority of the time i want time to go fast and speed up to the next "big" thing that i'm anticipating.  lately i've been praying that the days slow down.

our house got under contract in less than 3 days.  we went on the market last friday (10/16) afternoon, and were under contract by monday afternoon.  we got 3 offers, two above asking price.  the inspection is tomorrow.  i'm telling myself that this all part of His plan, to show me that this is where we are suppose to go.  that had this happened 3 years ago, we wouldn't have been able to make it work because the market 3 years ago wasn't what it is today.  the fact that the selling of our house has been somewhat easy and non-stressful, is a sign that all the pieces are falling where they are suppose to. everything just seems surreal.  in the middle of all of this i still need to blog about the rest of Ocotober happenings:
Going back to ABQ for the Balloon Fiesta
Marty and Mary's visit and the Denver Zoo
Chendra babysitting: what will be our last date night.  Movie: Bridge of Spies and dinner: Rock Bottom.
Hanging out with Sarah Z and her kiddos
Swimming with  Sarah D and her little boy
Getting in play dates with Andrea and Grayson
Chopping off my hair
Having my parents come visit and family pictures
Dinner with Chris' old co-workers
What will most likely be our last Broomfield United Methodist Church service
Lastly, what was suppose to be the now postponed Janet Jackson concert

Stay tuned, hopefully I'll get to all of that!

Friday, October 16, 2015

A new Adventure?

The Sweat's are moving to Alamogordo, New Mexico.

It's not real, until it is real.  It's becoming more and more real.
My life is drastically changing and I'm still in denial about well, all of it.  There are a lot of positives that this move brings, but I'm just not ready to look at all of the good, until I am totally done grieving the things I'm losing (have lost), and that will probably be awhile.

We traveled to Alamogordo (about 3 hours south of Albuquerque) at the end of September for Chris to have an in person interview and to check out the town.  Similar to Albuquerque, Alamogordo is super spread out and dirty.  I wasn't impressed.  It's a military town of about 30,000 and near White Sands National Monument, and about 90 minutes north of El Paso, TX.  By October 1st we had decided to move.  We met with our pastor to discuss this move and all of the fears that I have...mainly Chris not being able to keep this job.  Pastor Ken advised to look at it as a adventure, just one of life's many curve balls.    Ultimately with me not having a job, and Chris not having a job, I feel like this is the right path for our family.   After lots of endless praying, I can't help but feel and hope that this door is opening for a reason.

I'm still grieving the loss of my job, although thankfully I've been super busy since being unemployed.  But having that security for 12 years I'm still going through an adjustment.
Now I'm grieving what I know I'm about to lose: my house.  I love my house.  Even though when we bought this house Chris knew there would be a time we would move again, I had a small dream that this house would be our forever home.  I knew I would want that "forever home" for my family, I'm used to that stability.  My parents still live in the only house I ever lived in, in Albuquerque.  I had hoped to provide that for Helena.  Now that is a dream I have to say good-bye to.
I'm losing my friends, my church, my gym.  It's a lot, and I don't want to go.

Isn't there always a but?
I am gaining a lot.
With the cost of living being much cheaper in Alamogordo and Chris' new job, another dream of mine will become a reality.  I will get to stay home with Helena.  Obviously, this is huge, and I'm extremely grateful for this opportunity to get to stay home full time with my daughter.
We will also be much closer to family.  Being only 3 hours away from my parents, and majority of my extended family is a luxury I haven't had for the past 13 hours, and one that I know Helena will gain a lot from.
I'll be near other families with kids.  Since Alamogordo is a military town, I hope to be able to easily make new friends with Mom's who have kids.
It's only temporary.  Chris is working for Aramark a worldwide company, and his new employer knows he has no desire to live in southern New Mexico for the rest of his life, and ideally we want to end up someplace more metropolitan.

I never thought I would be moving back to New Mexico, let alone Alamogordo, New Mexico.  And although I know this is a step forward for our family, part of me feels like it is a step back.

I've been highly emotional and sobbing just about every single day.  Everything has been moving at lightening speed, Chris starts his new job 11/2.  Getting the house ready, seeing friends, it's been hectic and overwhelming.
There are so many things I'm going to miss about Denver.  I'm not even going to attempt to list it out as I don't want to start crying.